16 June, 2011

Cómo descubrir a un pelotudo

Están entre nosotros, son parte de nuestro entorno, de nuestro día a día. Están cada vez más enquistados en la sociedad, y van por más. Pero no no son invencibles, ni tampoco invisibles. Con la debida información, usted puede descubrir a un pelotudo y mostrarle su verdadero rostro al mundo, para que se haga justicia.

Preste atención a los siguientes tips, son fundamentales para desenmascarar a esta plaga:

1. Los ídolos: se los suele diferenciar de los seres humanos normales cuando hacen uso de frases como "Ricardo Fort la hizo re bien" o "Lapegüe es un fenómeno". No es necesario que el idolatrado sea un pelotudo en sí mismo, la cuestión está en el sentido común: un tipo que tiene un tatuaje de Phil Collins en el omóplato es un soberano pelotudo, no así el ex baterista.

2. Los clichés: el pelotudo no se pierde un solo día de lluvia para decir "qué lindo día para hacer cucharita". Lo dice en vivo, lo tuitea, lo pone en Facebook. Porque, ante todo, el pelotudo ama retransmitir su pelotudez.

3. La minimización de las verdades: uno le dice "Saldívar dijo que iba a estar soleado y llovieron guatemaltecos de espaldas. Hay que ajusticiarlo", y el pelotudo contesta "Sí, puede ser". Puede ser no, pelotudo, ES ASÍ. Al pelotudo le encanta dejar un manto de duda, siendo que lo único que no está en duda es su pelotudez.

4. La duda: el pelotudo cree en los comerciales de Llame ya. Sabe que es un choreo y que gastar dinero en una cruz hecha con supuestas rocas provenientes de la tumba de Cristo es, cuanto menos, una imbecilidad; pero duda, porque la mitad de su intelecto le indica que es una oportunidad única y que la verdadera boludez sería no aprovecharla. Gente como esa, la gente pelotuda, es la responsable de aberraciones tales como la moda palermitana de usar bigote teniendo menos de 60 años y sin ser cabo de la bonaerense.

5. Majul.

6. Escuchar reggaetón a volúmenes insólitos en autos tuneados: todos sabemos que esa es una característica propia del pitocorto irredento, pero el hecho de la demostración manifiesta de la pitocortez es un claro sinónimo de pelotudez incurable. Habemos muchos pitocortos que no andamos por la vida informándolo en cada uno de nuestros actos. Bueno, con esta frase estaría incurriendo en una flagrante contradicción, pero me la fuman en pipa, carajo. Cuidado con este pelotudo en particular: es el mismo que manda BAILA TYSON al 2020.

7.  Maniobras distractivas: el pelotudo más flagrante es aquél que intenta desviar la atención y se ríe de alguien que lo supera en todos y cada uno de los aspectos de su vida. El ejemplo más famoso: el que acusa a Marley de ser un boludo. A ver si entienden: el tipo le dio 7 vueltas al mundo, ganó fortunas, hace años que hace lo que se le canta el ocote y sólo a cambio de tartamudear un poco y comerse un bicho cada tanto. ¿Eso es ser un boludo? Aquí, el que queda en evidencia es el pelotudo, que trabaja 9 horas por día en una oficina por dos mangos, viaja enlatado en el subte y dice que el pelotudo es Marley. Será de Dió.

Sea parte de un mundo mejor: descubrir, desenmascarar y exterminar al pelotudo es una tarea de todos.

Algunos no necesitan ser descubiertos. Se los reconoce
a simple vista, la tienen adentro.

368 comments:

1 – 200 of 368   Newer›   Newest»
parademorderme said...

uhm.. no se si me sumo en esta cruzada che. Capaz que eliminando a los mas pelotudos quedamos en evidencia los no tan pelotudos.
Si el comentario es muy pilotudo eliminalo y no me dejes al descubierto, ja!

Ro said...

don ale, qué subte toma usté?

Marley no puede ser un pelotudo, se la pasa haciendo boludeces, comiendo fruta del cuerpo de mujeres desnudas que hacen las de bandeja, conociedno las playas más bellas y las comidas más ricas.. y sí, cada tanto come un insecto. YO LO HARÍA.

me gustó la observación de "baila tyson al 2020".. hay verdaderos infelices allá afuera.

la "cucharita en día de lluvia" me irrita más que una tanga de soga de yute. ME PONE MAL.

Arlane said...

muy bueno!, tampoco soporto a los pelotudos que andan haciendo bandera de su mísera condición, y encima sonríen socarronamente. Existe una clase de pelotudo que viaja en colectivo y tren, como yo lo hago, pero estos imbéciles van con el celular a todo volumen escuchando música de mierda, y demostrando su grado infinito de pelotudez. Quévamoacer

Josejú said...

Creo que te faltó una clase de pelotudo muuuuuuuuyyyy molesta.

El pelotudo abanderado: Es el típico pelotudo que se cae, hace alguna estupidez, o dice algo totalmente fuera de lugar, como "Que buenas gomas que tiene tu vieja, amor" y cuando se dá cuenta que saltó la ficha dice "Uy, soy un pelotudo" o "Perdón gorda, no ves que soy un boludo?"

SI, LO SOS, LA REPUTISIMA MADRE QUE TE PARIO! DEJA DE HACERTE BANDERA!

el capitán beto said...

buenos consejos, porque seré pelotudo pero no me gusta que se me note...

pd: y el helado de queso existe, fijese en el comente de ese post pst

Vale said...

Elija la opción correcta.
Quién es más pelotudo?
a. el pelotudo que sale en la tele
b. el que lo contrata
c. el que lo mira
d. el que lo mira y comenta en la sala de espera
e. todas las anteriores son correctas

maría pía said...

Aclaro: yo no soy pelotuda, soy muy crédula. Marcada diferencia.

laura said...

¿Cómo no te descubrí antes?

comentario pelotudo pero soy mina y me la banco

te venía a mi blog roll

lobamarino said...

Los más pelotudos son los que además de serlo se jactan de su mismisima esencia.
Desopilante!
Salu!

Anonymous said...

Para muchos, ser pelotudo es una pasion, lo llevan en la sangre. Les brota, no lo pueden contener. Un ejemplo es Majul, otro ejemplo es Guillermo Andino, pero ahi mas nombres...estos 2 son la punta del iceberg.

Balconito said...

A no olvidarse del pelotudo motríz. Que capaz que es un buen tipo pero no sabe caminar por una vereda sin joder a todos los que estan alrededor y se le caen las cosas porque cada tanto se olvida que tiene pulgares oponibles.

Cuando llueven guatemaltecos de espalda no te cubre el seguro del auto, prefiero que caiga piedra.

peppers said...

Colo: El post de hoy es desopilante y los comentarios están a la altura.

gastmun said...

El peor es el pelotudo que se cree que no lo es...digamos, como todos los pelotudos. El que piensa que gano una discusión y dijo tremenda pelotudez ilogica, vos te quedaste sin argumentos por su falta de sentido y te sonrie como diciendo "te quedaste sin nada para decir, no?"

Sanguche said...

Don piloto y audiencia, yo uso bigotes, y tengo menos de la mitad de 60; pero mis bigotes me llevaron a salir en un documental ambientado en los 70.
Mi bigote no es ni un bigote indie ni mod, es simplemente la zona de la cara que mas modio afeitarme y se me irrita como el culo de Ro con tanga de yute (muy buena expresion)

En cuanto a los pelotudos, los existen de toda calaña, hay pelotudos que sabiendose pelotudos, no hacen nada para cambiar el rumbo de su pelotudez, y no para de joder a los demas. Aquellos que compran tres cosas en el super, van a la caja y se acuerdan que solo compraron el 0,5 de la lista y buscan el resto de los bienes con la cajera en espera, deberian ser ajusticiados.
Hay tipos con boludez asistida y boludez hidraulica, que minimizan su boludez, queriendo que pase por timidez o naifidad.

Hasta que las farmaceuticas saquen el Avivol plus, tendremos que seguir a los cintazos, no queda otra.

Sandra Montelpare said...

lo de hoy es sublime, mis respetos...

ac mí el que m´sm jode es el boludo insistidor. Uno ya se encargó de decirle que es un pelotudo telescopico y la sigue y la sigue... el skate de canto en los dientes les queda chico.

Sanguche said...

La dislexia a la orden del dia

mestascharlando said...

Obra noble si la hay la tuya de desenmascarar y ajusticiar a esos seres q tanto daño nos hacen. Son los culpables d mi bigote jaja

Lovely Rita said...

Yo quisiera agregar una categoría, el pelotudo cheto: Le gusta ir a restaurantes donde hacen cocina fusión peruano-japonesa mientras boludea con la Mac, jamás de los jamases lo vas a ver usar remera (siempre chomba Lacoste o Polo) el resto de la ropa marca Timberland (Kevingston ya es grasa) Puede escuchar a Armin Van Buuren y cambiar a Daddy Yankee en el Audi recién tuneado sin ningún tipo de remordimiento y adora almorzar en La Parolaccia de San Isidro.

peppers said...

Sandra: Usted rulea sepalo, se me vino la imagen del skate de canto... dios...

MARIA2 said...

Yo lo que admiro de los pelotudos es que parecen tener un angelito propio que hace que a pesar de ser tan incapaces les salgan todas redondas.
Quien no tiene un primo que siempre fue un boludazo y hoy dìa està lleno de plata y vos decis, como hizo si pasò de grado porque la maestra no querìa verlo mas?Encima la esposa està bastante fuerte, porque billetera mata galàn.

Anonymous said...

Ahí la que no es ninguna boluda es la mujer...

Mariela alias leti said...

Pero disculpe una cosa, por qué siempre habla de pelotudos específicos com Majul, Saldívar, Repetto, Passman o Arjona? No sea machista, dedíquele unas líneas a Mariana de Melo, Karina Jelinek o Lara Bernasconi! Creo que están a la altura de la circunstancia.

Anonymous said...

UUYY!!soy el pelotudo que escribio a las 9:26 y puse "ahi" cuando queria esribir "hay".
No tengo perdon. Me voy a inmolar viendo Fortuna2 3 veces seguidas(si es que dura tanto y no la levantan antes).

Anonymous said...

A ver Mariela, no sé quién es Lara Bernasconi y pensé que Mariana de Melo se había matado en un palo en la ruta, pero Karina Olga demostró finalmente que no es ninguna boluda.
Hizo facturar ese culo durante años y ahora le habrió a un boludo una cuenta corriente y le cobra por adelantado y si se excede tiene que recargar tarjeta.

Sandra Montelpare said...

uy sí soy horriiiiible tipeando Cómo tipeo? como el ocote! see me merezco el skate de canto en las falanges.

En el caso de la de apellido de premio nobel creo que es boluda pero no come vidrio, hay que admititr.

Mariela alias leti said...

Y bueno, son conceptos de boludez distintos. Yo creo que una persona que
-dice que las chilenas son casi como latinas (o algo asi)
-le dicen Bioy o Casares y dice Casares,
-le piden que endose un cheque y pone con cariño Karina,

ES UNA BOLUDA CON TODAS LAS LETRAS. Que sea gato es otra cosa.

Ale said...

Estoy de acuerdo, una cosa es la pelotudez y otra cosa es la habilidad laboral. Jelinek es la Messi del gatoneo contractual-marital, pero es una pelotuda diplomada.

Anonymous said...

O sea, es tan boluda como Marley.

Ale said...

No, Marley no es boludo en ningún aspecto. Jelinek es una pelotuda flagrante que ADEMÁS es una hábil felina laboral. ¿Se entiende la diferencia?

Panchito said...

Mientras leia pensaba en como meter a Pasman en la respuesta y cuando llego al final... Uno de los mejores remates de los últimos tiempos.
Uno que siempre lee.

Johnty said...

Yo con jelinek me caso, aunque sea por unos meses. Porque? Porque soy un pelotudo amante de los felinos que piensa que EL SEXO NUNCA ES GRATIS.

Lástima que soy pobre y tengo que hacerlo por amor.

@tilio ® said...

La pelotudez y la suerte son cosas que siempre le pasan a otros.
Nunca escuché a nadie decir soy un pelotudo, o todo esto lo tengo de puro orto ¿vio?

Karina said...

Sergio Lapegue???
habiendo tantos otros mejores ejemplos...
no Don Ale?
saludos
sigo estudiando!

NiCO said...

JAJAJA Johnty que hdp como me rei con el comment que grande

Johnty said...

Lo dije en serio.

Ale said...

Excelente lo de Majul! Me hizo reir mucho.

Vale said...

difícil superar el post del pelotudo...
creo que podríamos pensar "Cómo descubrir a un pilotudo"...

eMe said...

Jajajajajaaaaa excelente post, Don Ale, y como dijeron más arriba, los comentarios están a la altura!
Los pelotudos motrices que menciona Balconito me mataron.

Ale said...

Hoy es viernes, no hay post por falta de tiempo y nadie está hablando de tetas, pitos y culos.

Propongo que ampliemos el concepto de este mismo post y agreguemos la versión "cómo descubrir a un pitocorto", "cómo descubrir a una fingidora" y "cómo descubrir a un aburrido catreril".

MARIA2 said...

ALE,no importa si sos pitocorto, lo importante que supiste embocarla y por consiguiente te deseo un hermoso dìa del padre el domingo.
Va lo mismo para todos los pilotines que esten en la misma situación, y si bien el tema es medio comercial, està en uno darle un tono mas espiritual, menos regalos y mas abrazos.

Ale said...

Me gusta porque yo invité a que den las claves para desenmascarar a un pitocorto, y María vino directamente y me dijo "vos sos pitocorto". Genia.

Por otro lado, agradezco infinitamente la salutación. Sé que es una fecha asquerosamente comercial (si supieras la cantidad de laburos que tuve que hacer para casi todos los clientes de la agencia), pero me gusta; debe ser porque soy nuevito, es recién mi segundo.

Saludos,
Short Dick Daddy

Gabb said...

"Escuchar reggaetón a volúmenes insólitos en autos tuneados" estos y los que escucha música en motos entran en la misma categoria de pelotudos o los segundos merecen una categoria aparte???

eMe said...

Short Dick Daddy!!! jajajajajajaa me encantó!!!

Qué grande María2, una maestra!!! =)

Mariano said...

Yo creo que el hallazgo, el gancho medular de este post, más allá del texto, está claro, es la foto de Pasman. Muchas veces una imagen vale más que mil palabras.

Ojo, también están los pelotudos que arrancan las frases diciendo "yo creo". Esos son boludos testimoniales.

Anonymous said...

PUAHHHHHH!!! MARIA2 no anda con vueltas don short dick daddy.
"pasman la tiene adentro", famosa frase, pero, el que se la puso sera pitocorto?
Si es Maradona el que la puso, si, hay fotos en internet donde se ve que tiene un chizito.
MariPi habla mucho de sexo, sera fingidora?

Gabriela said...

Muy buenos los posts, me cague de risa toda la mañana. Un beso y feliz dia

Johnty said...

Mucho faltazo en el piloto ultimamente. Los dias sin tiempo tendrías que hacer un post vacío de contenido que se llame "hora libre" o algúna imbecilidad por el estilo para que las rameras y putitos reprimidos que acostumbran postear lo usen de chat.

Yo voy a chatear con Ro porque tiene tetitas.

maría pía said...

Yo no finjo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vale said...

Para mí que todos los que se autodenominan pitocortos en su blogaudiencia, don piloto, lo hacen con la esperanza de que ante una eventual ocasión de testearlo, la dama exclame: ah, pero no era TAN corto, che!

maría pía said...

yo me ofrezco.

Fabio said...

la palabra Pelotudo cuando la aplicás a un pelotudo provoca una reacción ácida-virulenta, se ofenden gravemente y te amenazan físicamente :P

pude corroborarlo con varios pelotudos que no sólo se enojaron, confirmaron que eran pelotudos porque les dije "pelotudo" en un comentario en un blog... ¡eso es ser pelotudo!

excelente post ;)

novoyaterapia said...

"Llueven guatemaltecos de espalda" Simplemente genial.
"Majul" Jajajajajaa!
Excelente.
Abrazo!

Cazador said...

Ahora entiendo por que no hay Metaleros escuchando al palo Metal en los autos.

Andrestres said...

Acá te dejo una nota de Majul, que podrá ser muy pelotudo, pero si cuando leés la nota y lo que dice, no coincidís en mucho de lo que dice (después de todo, creer que los K y su gente no son corruptos extremos es de pelotudo), me parece que deberías agregar un punto en la lista de pelotudos con tu nombre (y el de muchos comentaristas que todavía te festejan poner el nombre Majul en todos los posts, en los últimos dos meses. Después te quejas de la gente que sigue repitiendo: "qué lindo día para hacer cucharita" cuando llueve):

http://www.lanacion.com.ar/1382729-el-kirchnerismo-oculto-segun-majul

diegous said...

No, Marley no es pelotudo, pero la gente lo toma d pelotudo porque es su trabajo actuar como tal. Osea, si le decis pelotudo a Marley es como felicitarlo por hacer bien su papel.

fedex said...

Muy bueno!
Lo replico en mi blog y obviamente reconociendote la autoria.

Saludos!!

Anonymous said...

Yo creo que ser pelotudo es algo relativo al observador. desde un punto de vista este acido y ocurrente post es una genialidad exclusiva de quienes se jactan de ser indemnes de la pelotudes, por otra parte hay quienes tienen otros puntos de vista y nos ven como pelotudos que nos la damos de intelectuales. En fín muchos nos sentimos muy a gusto siendo como somos mientras que para otros somos solamente un pelotudo mas del montón.

Anonymous said...

Sos un imbécil que se cree inteligente. Me das lástima.

Ale said...

Me descubriste, che.

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